Lessons from Top 5 Regrets Before Dying | by Bronnie Ware

Australian Writer, Speaker and Musician Ronnie Ware wrote a Best Selling book called The five regrets of dying people. And in that particular book, she spent over eight years in palliative care, looking after dying people

One of the most poisonous, most negative emotions of all, is regret. You know, if you take a deep breath in right now and think about what are all the regrets, you might have your own life. I'm sure it'll be a long list and it'll be a disturbing list. Well, Australian Writer, Speaker and Musician Ronnie Ware wrote a Best Selling book called The five regrets of dying people. And in that particular book, she spent over eight years in palliative care, looking after dying people, and she maintained a journal a diary during that period of time and asking this question to These folks, today as you look back into your life, what are your top regrets about life? And she started taking down answers from that interaction.

if you love to be happy and spend time to do thing what you loved
Image by Arek Socha from Pixabay 

About one year into this process, she saw that, all these answers could be categorized, you know that there were a lot of similarities between them. And from these all research and process of taking notes and asking questions and spending time with these people. Her Best Selling book took birth, which was about the five regrets of dying people. And I would like to share those with you today because I believe, perhaps, the secret of the art of living lies in the secret of the art of dying, you know, famous Italian painter, artist reality which he said, as a day well spent, brings happy sleep. So a life well spent brings happiness. The whole idea is to spend your life in a way and to design your life in a way that when you're working Done.

You will be empty; you will have given away everything you could have. You're not looking back with a sense of regret. I wish I could have I should have been Why didn't I try? At least I shouldn't have tried, you know, why did I give up and things like that? Those are very disturbing questions, right? So I would like to share with you these five regrets of dying people so that today, you can reflect on this. And I've been quoting Ronnie Ware work with international audiences around the world. And it's resonated with people. The only reason why because today as you'll listen to these five regrets, if you can, you know, resonate if some of these resonate with you, if you can connect with some of them, then it's probably time to pause and reflect and redesign your life.

Because after all, you design your wardrobe don't you? You pay a lot of attention to designing your house, don't you the landscaping everything you know, you look after your fitness you look after your retirement. Why not and human beings we are the only species who have this gift that we are able to make changes in our life. We're not animals, we're not trees. If we do Like something, we're in a position to change it. And that's the whole idea here.

What do the dying regrets, top 5 regrets before dying
# #Top 5 Regrets Before Dying

As you reflect, see if some of these things are connecting with you. If you see the picture the story of your life in these five regrets, maybe it's time to change things, the topmost regret. The number one regret of dying people, as listed in the book called The five regrets of dying, folks, is


 You know? And oftentimes, we are so busy living up to the expectations of other people that we forget who we are, who our potential is, what have we capable of doing? Do we get a chance? Do we give it a chance to blossom? Or have we are we just too busy running the race that everybody else's? Do we even spend time figuring out Am I running in the right race or not? Right? What if I win, and then realize it was the wrong race I was running in the right.

Similarly, imagine I mean, some people have Very good at the ladder climbing the ladder of success. And I'm sure you are too, right. And we've been equipped with all these things, all these resources, all the information to speed up our journey up the ladder. Imagine if you will, that you're climbing the ladder of success, and then climbing it fast. But what if, when you get to the rooftop, you realize, hey, it's the wrong roof. It's gonna be too late to change them. Well, these folks who brawny were interviewed did not have a chance to rectify things. But you and I do, we're still alive. We still have chances we still can make amends are number one. The number one regret was I wish I had the courage to lead a life true to myself. And I'd like to ask the viewers here of this video. Are you living a life true to yourself? Or are you just busy living up to the expectations of other people? I'm reminded of a famous novel by Leo Tolstoy called the Death of Ivan Village.

Ivan Ilitch was a magistrate. He was leading in ordinary life, you know, and you know doing success, you know doing financially well-having everything and, but he wasn't happy. He was not happy with his work. He was not happy with his family. He was not happy with any aspect of his life and one day while hanging up the curtains he falls down, injures himself and the doctor comes in season and says it's terminal you are going to die. Now during the process while he's on the bed, he's anger towards life increases manifold is now even angrier at his wife and his family and his doctor at himself. You know why? Because of one of these sleepless nights, this question started eating in front of them. And the question was, what if my whole life was wrong?

What if my whole life was strong? And ladies and gentlemen watching this video, that can be a very painful question, what is the way I've lived my whole life was wrong. Another very important way of designing Life Are you living an authentic life do to yourself is what I've been sharing with audiences across the world is not about getting more stuff is perhaps about letting go of a lot of things which might not be working well for you. I'm reminded of a historical anecdote where the mayor of Sicily, found a huge block of someone brought a huge block of green light to him.

And he thought there is only one artist in all of Italy who could create a beautiful, you know, statue out of it. And he thought of Michelangelo. Michelangelo was commissioned for this job and he asked for two years, he shot themselves in a room and for two full years, he worked on this block of gray night. And after two years, he presented the world what is known as the masterpiece of the Renaissance, the statue of David. In his biography, Michelangelo reflects and writes. He says when I first saw that block of gray night, I could already see my angel inside it for the next two years. All I have to do was to chip away, chip away, and remove everything that was not required. And I got what I needed. And I think the same applies to life as well. It's not about adding more stuff. It's not about having more not about doing more.

Perhaps it's also about letting go of a lot of things, relationships, circumstances, thought processes, which might be hindering you back. What are yours? I think it's an important question to reflect on to help you design the life where you live in life true to yourself and your authentic life.

Now, the second read, as listed in Brony wares best-selling book, The five regrets of dying people will go against everything that you've learned so far about success and achievement.

Here's number two.

 Now, it's important that we put it in the right context, right? In order to truly understand it. The way I look at it is I would say I'm working hard.

If I'm not being able to give if I'm going upstream, if I'm struggling against the flow of If I'm not finding my creative voice, if I'm not doing the kind of work, which gives an expression to my higher self, that's when I'll use the term when working hard. And life is difficult. Because when after, I mean, it's been about a decade now, after I've switched my career track, and I picked a line of work that truly satisfies me. And as I reflect back on it, it doesn't seem like work anymore.

People have often asked me, you know, so is it a day off today? Or are you working today? And I tell you, the boundaries have merged, you know, it's very hard to distinguish when it's work and when it's free leisure time. And as this beautiful quote, I think puts it best. It says, you know, if you pick a line of work that you if you pick work that you love doing, you won't have to work a single day for the rest of your life because it's merging and you're enjoying what you do.

However, having said this, what I feel that these people who had this regret are truly trying to say is this. They were not able to balance work and the rest of their lives. They were not able to enjoy the little things around them, the sunrises, the sunsets, the smiles of their kids are the little things as they were growing up. I'm reminded of a famous author who said, in the hope of reaching the stars, men often fail to appreciate the flowers that blossom at their feet. In the hope of reaching the stars, we fail to appreciate the flowers that blossom around us.

Take time today, out of your busy schedules, look away from your smartphones, right, shut it down for a while, and take time to enjoy the little things that life has given you. Because that is the whole that is where the beauty of being alive license right. I know work has its place, working hard as it has its place to in achieving what we want to achieve. But make sure that you're not paying too heavy a price that you regret later on. Make sure the price that you pay is worthwhile and that you are getting enough time. enough opportunities to rejuvenate yourself to refuel yourself, right otherwise You will end up burning up too soon.

And that's not the kind of ideal scenario you want to be in the third regret 
as expressed in Brony wares book is 

Now, this is the second theme when the term courage comes up. So I do believe these five regrets have a lot revolving around letting go of your fears, right. But the third one's quite interesting. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings and from my opinion as a motivational speaker and a life coach over the last decade I believe the most underexpressed emotion of all is appreciation.

We take things for granted okay with the I know that guy, guy person, that person in my work team know that I appreciate his work, but we failed to put it into words and guess what people around you do not mind readers. And after this opportunity's gone, you're going to regret it. I wish I could have appreciated that person and you have no idea what it means for the other person. Right.

Apologies another area where we fall short off. Did you do something that you know Say something that you regret now to another person, okay? Now's the time, have the courage to walk up to them and say, Hey, you know, I was being a jerk the other day and I saw regret having said what I said and you know, say it, express it, don't bottle it up. When I talk about appreciation, I'm reminded of this model that I've been using sharing in my workshops called perhaps model haps hedge a BBs appreciate and I would like to change the spelling of the word now.

So accountants talk about depreciation, and I want to change it from appreciation to appreciation. When you appreciate someone you appreciate who they are, you increase their self-worth, you increase their self-esteem. Perhaps the model is a very interesting model to follow, making it a way of life making appreciation a way of life. hedges for habitually acknowledge people tag people habitually is authentically, right. Don't fake it. Do it from your heart. Say what you really mean be promptly don't wait too long. The next P is proportionately right. And the final the S is specifically specific about, because that's how people really that's how behavior positive behavior is reinforced.

Because we are very quick, actually, as a default behavior, to pick out mistakes and other people to pick out what's going wrong around us. It takes conscious effort to spot what is going right and to appreciate it, make it a way of life. And you will be a lifter because I believe people can be broadly divided into two categories, lifters and leaners. If you're in the habit of expressing positive emotions, of acknowledging good stuff that is happening around you, you're a lifter. And so this is the number three, I wish I had the courage to express what I feel at all times. It's Really, really powerful. It's letting go of that fear of embarrassment or that uncertainty how the other person might react.

But, you know, express it positively, even if it's something negative, even if it's something that you have not appreciated. that you do not like, try to express it in a constructive way, and go and say to the other person, right, it's no point holding it up. Because I don't know it applies to all relationships, it applies to your family members applies to me. And you know, whether it's kids or parents apply, it applies to your colleagues.

Because you never know who's not going to be around, you know whether they're going to move to a different place, or what's going to happen tomorrow, say it, don't miss the opportunity. So the photograph as listed in the book is,

And I believe that this happens to all of us. And we're living in a digital age in the era of Facebook Likes and you know, looking at what other people are doing, but what we're missing increasingly, is the face to face human connection, right? Where we can exchange ideas where we can reflect back on our lives.

And I feel it's really important as you move forward in life and as you achieve them so-called success is that you find time to develop a network where you're able to sit together and reflect back on how far you've come, how far others have come? What are the things that you're doing right and what is there to learn from others? because it would really help if your network is diverse, cultivate a diverse network of friends, and because it is going to get lonely at the top as you climb this ladder, so you need people to give you honest feedback, because you might end up being surrounded with people who are only giving you what you would like to hear. You don't want that happening. You want people who can be honest and straightforward and give you what you really need in order to make the changes in your life.

Another very important factor here is that the diversity of ideas. So I am a very big believer. I'm a big believer that your personality is shaped by the time that you spend with the five or six people who are the closest to you. So be very careful who you're spending your time with. And reach out and connect to if you feel the folks who have achieved a lot who build things from scratch. We're doing things that you would like to do Spend more quality time with your friends and family members look up from that gadget which is keeping you busy. Because someday guess what they might not be around anymore. Spend time with friends and family. And I'm sure that you'll be able to relate to the fifth regret that is listed in this book, which is I wish I would have let myself be happier. The keyword here being let

I believe we all have the ability to experience bliss. Actually, it's hard to come across depressed babies or infants, right? When we were born in a blissful state, right, and it's as we go along, and this journey of life and we collect stuff and behind these expectations and disappointments on this journey, that we start feeling that we start putting up the barricades on our own happiness. So listen to this carefully.


The above statement, which implies that you already have the ability to experience happiness, but we just need to remove the battery Are there. Happiness is not something that you consciously choose.

I believe it's a byproduct. I'm reminded of an interesting story by my favorite author, Dr. Wayne Dyer. He says, a little cat came back from happiness workshop. And it was moving around in circles, trying to bite its own tail. So grandpa cat was observing this behavior. And out of curiosity, Grandpa got asked the little cat, what do you been doing? So the little cat replied, see, I went to the happiness workshop and then the happiness workshop. They taught me that happiness lies in my tail.

Therefore, I'm running around in circles trying to grab happiness. Grandpa cat had more experience with more wisdom. And he said, Okay, well, they did tell you the right thing. They did tell you that happiness lies in your tail, but you've got the process wrong. You don't have to go around in circles trying to grab your own tail. You just do what you have to do to go about doing the things that you must do. Extremely enjoying life and doing the things that you do, and happiness will follow you everywhere you go. And I believe that's a very powerful story with a very simple message.

Happiness is not a destination that you seek. Happiness is a byproduct of the way you live your life. And I also believe that happiness is usually found in the little things. Now psychologists have found out there is a threshold, the amount of happiness and money and material success can add to your life. Two or three things I'd like to share with you about giving permission to yourself experiencing happiness.

Number one being take time every day to appreciate what you already have, right? So often we are caught up in achieving this and the next journey and doing that, that we fail to appreciate that the universe has already given us so much. What we have today was probably something that we deeply desired a year ago or some time ago. And now that we have it, we take it for granted and it's no longer adding to the kitty of our happiness. I think that's the wrong way. Take time every day while you're traveling or wherever, wherever there's, you know, time alone with yourself to reflect on what are the gifts that I now have that I really craved for a few years ago.

And now have them with me because you know to add to your build your own positive narrative, your own positive story of life, you're right so that you're able to convince yourself that good things are supposed to happen to me. I believe negative folks also have a story to tell they got a victim story, right? I hate my life because of this, this and happy and positive folks also have a story to tell they say I love my life. I'm so thankful so happy because of this, it's important that you look for the right reasons to support your point of view.

The second thing I want to share with you to add more bless and happiness to your life is this. I was doing a lot of reading from offshore and I picked this from there. You know, he's inspired this thought. He says become conscious become aware of The negative thoughts that emerge in your mind, don't try to fight them, that you might be fighting a losing battle if you do that, but become conscious of negative thoughts as and when they enter your mind. Right. So just by becoming aware of you being caught up in negative thoughts will help you overcome that will help you to let go of that will help you say hell, okay, there I am going down this road once again there I am getting caught in this web once again, just that awareness, just a consciousness will allow you will give you the strength to move away from that.

So appreciate the small things that you have in life. See, bless is there all around you and build the right story. Right? If your story is I'm thankful for this opportunity to be alive. You got to support it the evidence of good things that have already happened in your life. It's been over five years that I've been quoting brawny where's research on the five regrets of dying people.

And although she is divided into five different categories with five different statements when I really think about it, and you know, I tried to put my own experiences to it and you know, to correlate it with the life, the lives of other people and my own life. I feel it's all about letting go of fear. It's all about letting go of fears and insecurities. And she's phrased it in different statements. But what I like to ask you is this, how would you live your life? If you were no longer afraid? What would and what are the things you would do? if you would no longer afraid because a lot of fears that hold us back fear of embarrassment, fear of failure for some fear of success for others, fear of the unknown, whatever it is, and these fears, to a large degree dictate the kind of decisions that we make.

 And when whenever decisions are being dictated by fears. Those are not some of you know, the decisions that we make are not some of the most powerful ones. They are the more mediocre ones because we're trying to stay within the boundaries. Can we be ever truly free of these regrets? brainy bear has listed in a book. I don't know. Is it worth trying? I feel it is.

 I hope that these five regrets and the thoughts that I've shared with you have given you some food for thought and some triggers for self-reflection.
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Beyond Narrative | Blog Where Every Single Word Matters: Lessons from Top 5 Regrets Before Dying | by Bronnie Ware
Lessons from Top 5 Regrets Before Dying | by Bronnie Ware
Australian Writer, Speaker and Musician Ronnie Ware wrote a Best Selling book called The five regrets of dying people. And in that particular book, she spent over eight years in palliative care, looking after dying people
Beyond Narrative | Blog Where Every Single Word Matters
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